she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
