i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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