fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
