Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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