i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
