So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
