I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
