I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
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