The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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