that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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