ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
