Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
