You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
