Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
