Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
