I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
