3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
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