i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
