Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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