So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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