Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
