I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize