If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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