so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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