its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
