When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
