My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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