I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
