well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
