Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
