fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
