Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
that may or may not have been my penis.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize