why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
