Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
