"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
