Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
