He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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