I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
