ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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