I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
