You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
