i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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