just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
