We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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