There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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