it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
The air taste purple.
Randomize
