i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Sorry about my life...
Enjoy the penises
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize