I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I look better un-naked...
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
