and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
