and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
