He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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