Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
