I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
