Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
