the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
