Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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