I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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