Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
