Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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