she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize