Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
