the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
