Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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