do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
