As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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