yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
