it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
