The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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