it was like his penis was on wheels.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
