the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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