Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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