drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
My balls are so social today.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
