...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
