I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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