just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
