Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
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