I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize