Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
