I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
