thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
