Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
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