You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
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