I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
