Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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