who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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