So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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