when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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