You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
