the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Im part way to drunk.
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