ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
