Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
