sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Panties = found
Randomize
