i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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