WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
there is glitter all over my balls
what the fuck happened to the tacos
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
