I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
