well you can't waste a boner
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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