I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
