Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
