I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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