In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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