I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
