a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
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