Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
