I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize