i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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