maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
