Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
