i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
